Cutting It Out

Standing in front of the mirror I don't recognize the man staring back at me. What I see looking back at me has been made by the treachery that you spilt upon me. With tears streaming down my face I realize I must purge myself of what you left behind. I pick up some scissors and begin to cut my hair instead of strands of hair I see the weight of you falling away,the pressure you pushed on me. I put my hand to my stomach I can feel the sickness. I lean over the sink and put my two fingers down my throat and regurgitate all the bullshit you have ever fed me the lies, and the trickery. The sheer magnitude of what shot forth from my throat showed me how long it had gone on the years,months,and days. I wipe the foulness from my mouth. I reach for a small knife that I had brought into the bathroom with me. I bring it up to my face and hold it against the center of my forehead. I apply enough pressureso I feel the tip break through the skin. I drag the knife along the outline of my face. My whole body shaking I try not to scream, I must crack the hardened shell you created to make me numb to everyone I will dispose of this feeling.

Placing my fingers along where the cut started on my forehead,I dig my fingernails into my skin. Slowly I pull the skin down I scream out punch the wall,and throw a cologne bottle which shatters on the floor. I sit down for just a moment I can feel the skin laying against my cheek. I pick myself up I am reluctant to look in the mirror. I raise my head up where my skin had been pulled away I saw something familiar,but just a quick glimpse then it faded away. I braced myself against the sink to think of my next move. The pain is overwhelming but nothing compared to the pain you caused me. I ball up my fist and punch myself square in the nose. I stumble backwards and hit the wall behind me. I take another swing my head flops back from the force. My head is whirling I am so dizzy from the barrage of punches. No blood comes out so I hit again,and again. Still there is no blood,but I see something I grasp it with my fingers. I pull out a needle and syringe a strange liquid splls out from my nostrils it burns so bad. I quickly recognize it as heroine. I raise my fist again and come down hard on the bridge of my nose. LIke an avalanche hundreds of little white stones come pouring out making an unbearable tapping sound upon the porcelain. One more punch should do it as my fist makes contact a puff of powder comes out. I reach into my nose and pull out a balloon of cocaine. All the drugs I watched you do the horrors I saw when you were high,and trashed. They were finally gone no longer could they poison me.

Completely disoriented I walk to the garage and get a drill form the shelf. The walk back seems to take forever,but I make it to my spot in front of the mirror. I put the drill to my temple and pull the trigger. It bores easily through skin,muscle,and bone. Hearing my skull crack from the ever spinning instrument is nauseating. I pull the drill out and pause for a moment. As if a flower was blossoming from my head a piece of paper shoots forth. It falls to the floor I pick it up it is a picture of you and I. More and more photos unfurl from the side of my head of countless moments that we had. After there are no more photos to fall a bizarre ooze leaks from my wound.  Iplace a stopper in the drain to inspect the fluid. It quickly fills the sink I look closely and see movement within the small pool. I realize they are memories floating there before me. I see the time you threw me from the car,and the time you pinned me against the wall and choked me out. Seeing these things brings back an eerie feeling. I watch the time you stood over me and yelled that I wasn't shit without you that I was worthless. The images keep moving it is the day of our one year anniversary where you told me that you still wanna be with me but you wanna sleep with other people. I drain the sink as fast as I can,and watch it all disappear never to haunt me again. Finally the last thing to do I pick up the knife and push it into my heart and cut out the parts that remind me of you. Stricken with fatigue I shed the clothes you would force me to wear and step into the bath I had drawn. I drift into a deep slumber.

When I wake I jolt up so fast,and bound to the mirror. I breathe a sigh of relief finally I recognize who is staring back at me.